Seeking Relationships

I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. Specifically, I've been thinking about what I bring to the table, and why I have a hard time selling myself to potential partners.

I've been blessed to have some really meaningful relationships in my short life. And I think they've bene formative, too. I've learned a lot about how I behave in a partnership with another human being. All in all, I think I make a pretty good S/O.

I am kind and caring. I am compassionate. I am generous. I am passionate. I am faithful. I am honest. I am supportive. I'm a very good lover (and honestly, I probably wouldn't be if I were catwalk material and all I had to bring to the bed were my looks). I'm attentive. I listen well. I give good feedback. I love to experiment. I am adventurous when able so to be. I am open-minded. I am willing to compromise. I appreciate little things. I like to rise to a challenge.

So if I bring all of those qualities (and more) with me to a relationship, a sort of personality dowry, why has it always been so hard for me to be confident about seeking and securing a partner? I read through personals adverts and a lot of men are looking for the sort of things I have to offer.

I am getting better, though. A little bit every day. I can't take all the credit for my development, though. I have friends who do a great job at boosting my ego!

And I thought I had trouble...

A Palm Beach Post writer, making the point that America's obesity problem is not limited to humans, reported from the Boca Greens Animal Hospital (Boca Raton, Fla.) in June that "Pumpkin," a 12-pound Chihuahua, was up and moving well after her recent liposuction surgery. However, the 12 ounces of fat she lost still left her among South Florida's overweight pets, said to be two-thirds of their population. As Pumpkin's owner was reminded, surgery is not to be a substitute for sensible exercise and a modest number of treats. [Palm Beach Post, 6-22-04] Click Here for More

What the heck? Honestly, it's not bad enough they're doing liposuction in the stupidest places on people now, but dogs? DOGS?

Musings on Self-Esteem

Self-esteem, for me, seems to come and go. Almost as cyclically as depression (which, mercifully, I haven't suffered from in quite some time).

Sometimes my self-confidence shifts multiple times in a day. It depends what I'm doing, who I'm with...if I am working on something and accomplishing a lot, I feel very self-confident and proud. Somehow that all spills over to my body image and I feel better about myself. Probably more realistically about myself--because I am my own worst critic.

If I am with someone romantically I can easily feel good about myself, if not great about myself. Love is quite a tonic. There was a bit on Xena earlier on in the show's life, wherein Xena tells Gabrielle (paraphrase) that she can only believe in herself when someone else believes in her, first. Written out like this it sounds rather sad, but I can relate to that. Having someone fancy me makes me feel like maybe I'm decent human being material after all.