Aging?

I want to be one of those old hippies who wears mumus because they're comfortable and wears her hair long even though it's gone grey.

Is it weird that I'm looking forward to aging? I mean, I'm not looking forward to aches and pains, and I'm not hoping to rush the process or anything. But it seems like I will feel less pressure to be "pretty" when I'm old.

I know that a lot of women feel it's the opposite: that it's easy to be young and hard to age (and if I worked in Hollywood--where a career can be ruined by the natural aging process--I might agree). But I think it's terribly difficult to be young and not fit cultural standards, physically speaking. People look at you more when you're young. It's when you're supposed to be finding a mate and orchestrating your fairy tale ending. A task that poor self esteem makes quite dicey, I must add.

When you're old, all that stuff is--supposedly--over and done. Decided. There's no pressure.

Maybe I'm just delusional. It's easy to pontificate this way from 24 years old. I might feel differently when I'm 60.

I'm here, I'm here!

Just wanted to say a quick hi, and I'm here, and I'll be back. Like the terminator.. ;)

Why I Hate to Diet

I hate to diet. I absolutely abhor it.

It seems like I am always setting myself up for failure. I set goals--sometimes tiny, sometimes enormous and unrealistic--and when I fall short, I feel guilty.

Guilt and dieting, for me, go hand in hand.

I think I have built up a resentment to the entire concept of dieting because of the guilt I feel when I break the regimen.

It's a bit silly really, because I have had self-imposed dietary restrictions for as long as I can remember. I limit my dairy intake (because of lactose intolerance, and also, dairy isn't that good for you!), I don't eat red meat or pork, and I limit my carbohydrate intake (despite constantly craving carbs). This is just something I do, but if I called it a diet, I'd eat half a cow and a tub of ice cream tomorrow, just in spite of myself.

I wonder why?

Strangely Shaped Girl Awakens

Here's the deal: I have never been supermodel material.

I look at women who spend their days on the catwalks and my mind boggles. No amount of proper eating, exercise or metabolism-enhancing pills will ever give me their physique. And being so bombared with adverts and images telling me I'm TOO FAT and I need to LOSE WEIGHT FAST puts me into sensory overload.

I can't be all bad, because I've had boyfriends, and people tell me I'm pretty quite frequently. But I don't feel attractive, and I haven't for as long as I can remember. I have never been, in my estimation, a pretty girl.

But why the fuck am I so hard on myself? Why are we all so hard on ourselves? When did life become a constant obsession with dieting, instead of something to be lived and loved and enjoyed? When did Atkins become more important than God?

I recently met a man on the Internet, and he's really wonderful. I'm so enjoying getting to know him that we're slated to meet in person in early Autumn. Already I'm worrying--will I compare to other women he's been with? Will he be disappointed? Mind you I went through all of these worries with my ex boyfriends, and it was all for naught. They still took me to bed (where I work magic, because nothing makes me feel better about myself than pleasing my mate), and in some cases, took me into their hearts.

I decided to start this blog because I'm tired of being holed up in this prison of poor self-image, which in turn just fuels the fire of depression (which seems to come and go cyclically). I've asked some friends to come on board and join the "Strangely Shaped Girl" team to post their thoughts too, so that together we can all start to reform our bodies, minds, and spirits, one post at a time.